When the journalist Xinran decided to include a new section in her radio programme about Chinese women stories, she has never thought how shocking can these be. One of these stories is Hongxue’s diary, a girl treated as an object without importance. Here’s a summary of this testimony, in my opinion, the hardest and the most emotional.
“The girl who has a fly as a pet”
The New Year’s day of the year she’ll be 11, Hongxue woke up with her bed stained of blood. Her first reaction was feeling scared, but suddenly her mum told her that she has just become a woman, and then she felt very happy.
Two months later, her father came back of his military base. First, he congratulated her, but it wasn’t sufficient, he wanted to check it. He started to undress and taught her, warning to tell nothing to mum. It was her first feminine experience, and then, she felt sickness. Every time her mum went out, the same scene was repeated and each time Hongxue felt much more fear of his “love”. After a short while, her father was moved to other military base and because of her mum’s job, she and her little brother must go with dad. One more step to hell.
Every day, it didn’t mind if it was in the morning or in the night, her father got into her bed like a snake and started to repeat the same, even leading worse situations. Once, she decided to tell everything, but her hopes fell down when her mum’s only advice was: “You have to support it; we cannot live without your dad’s money”.
Hongxue’s body matured too quickly, her fear grew and her tiredness increased, so she got seriously sick. She went to the hospital and there, she discovered a comfortable place to stay, without dad’s abuses. Because of that, she did everything she can to stay there, even she injured herself, whatever not to come back home.
One day, when Hongxue was having a rest peacefully in the hospital, a little fly alight on her hand. Normally, her first reaction would have been killing it, flies are disgusting, but after so much time without feel a sweet caress, she decided to breed a fly. It was difficult because she knew no one would help her and besides, she should hide it, but finally she could. Her intentions finished when someone put accidentally a book on the night table and killed her pet. It was a very hard knock, but, anyway, she decided to keep it inside a chocolate.
After a short while, the doctor communicated Hongxue she was improving, so she would come back home in a few days. No, not again to hell! Come back home was not an option, so she decided to fell ill again. Once, a nurse had told her that flies are big carriers of diseases. The only living being that had made a smile on her face was showing her an exit now; she decided to rub one on a recent cut that hasn’t scar over yet. She didn’t care the death; everything was better than come back home. A week ago, she was moved to another hospital; fever had increased seriously. Good, the plan was going on.The 11th September of 1975, Hongxue died of septicemia.
Hongxue, the silenced voice of a Chinese girl, as many other women in China.
María Cabezas González.